Insomnia Nonsense

Insomnia Nonsense

I've tried to sleep early, i've tried to sleep late.... but i'm still waking up in the middle of the night, or early morning... body alarm.... its time for medication...

i'm feeling really down...
i'm very easily irritated
very hot tempered
very violent...
i'm feeling weak...
i'm feeling pale...

i want to be normal...
i want to go out and walk normally...
but i can't go out...
but i can't walk properly...
i don't want to go back to camp...
i think i deserve and needs a longer rest...
but no one will bother how i feel...
i'm a puppet controlled by life...

i don't want people to think i'm enjoying my mc...
and think its time for me to work again...
the fact is i didn't enjoy a single bit of this mc...
and please don't think that my surgery is just opening 2 holes...
its 2 holes,1 long cut and many many more....
fuck those bitches & bastards in camp who are so so evil to me...

i'm fucking mad...
fucking angry...
i've tried to put it aside...
but whenever provoked...
everything comes back and snow-ball as one big reaction...
its a tsunami tragic in my head...

don't try to talk me out of it...
i'm not interested in abit...
cos it only make me feel worse...
my only hope is that those who are in control of situation would give some leeway...
give me a breather...
and let me have control of my life...

i believe in no god...
cos other than law...
i'm in control of my life...
its all in our minds...