To The Most Familiar Stranger

To the Most Familiar Stranger...

This is especially to you, yes... you~ I know you're still reading...

You said i'm insensitive, incorrigible, immature, shallow, typical...
You said you saw me a few times, and didn't look/behaved like the guy you knew...
You said i think highly abt myself.... and talk bad abt others...
You said a lot of other things...

I read once, read twice, read thrice...

its okay for you to have said all these...

i'm fine...

Thanks for the last stab in my heart...

Guess people like matty, glynis, jacky, and ml knows i am a crazy crappy guy on the surface... think no one will be as monkey as i am outside... but they know who's the collin below the surface... I don't need to explain things that you saw... thats me you saw... wonder if its really me... nvm its probably me... you recognise me better than i can recognise you.... oh ya, i don't think i ever will recognise you....

I don't need your friends who don't know me to judge me.... don't need you whom i never met after 7 yrs to say those words.... don't need to see those stabbing emails you sent.... those words were like throwing all the efforts i put in these years, and stepped them over and over again....

sometimes i say i'm angry abt you... i'm sad abt what happened... i suspect u cheated on me... but have i ever confronted you? have i ever say words to hurt you like you did to me....? I even told myself, even if you lied to me, i'm okay... as long as you meet me and stop lying... i can let it be history.. i dun even need to know why you do it or what... but i think no one will believe.... becos no one believe i could fall in love with someone i never met...

you blame me for moving on... if i didn't moved on 4 yr ago... you said you will tell me everything, things will not be the same... seriously... if it was going to happen, it won't take 3 yrs after i know you, to tell me or even meet me... 2003 when i changed my hp number, i've made my mind clear, i want to move on... you tried to find me, even sms my mum and gave me reasons, i was touched... i thought it was the turning point... but later things were still the same.... i was really hoping for something again.... but... when i was in drama, my instructor wanted us to share our stories... i shared abt you and i.... i nvr say anything bad... but my friends scolded me... they shed tears... i shed tears too... i acted our story during a practice... they cried again...

since you chose not to know me in person, but to 'know' me from what you see from the few coincident occasions... i respect your choice... i won't stop you from telling people how bad am i...... i feel hurt, but its ok...

becos after all, you just like those strangers out there who don't know me.... thats sad, cos all those heart to heart talk with you, like drain water now... i opened up the real self to you...but you chose to hide and chose to believe i'm not like the guy i've opened up to you...

i really don't know what else to say...

think whatever you like...
i'll not find out anything from anyone, cos i realised what i wanted wasn't any truth...
i only wanted to meet you... wanted to hear from you... same as what i wanted before...


take care, most familiar stranger....