I'm sad.... really sad... sings: I wanna cry...i wanna fly....
alright never mind... people will say i whinning too much... say i'm fake....
hahaha... I joking lah... :) I'm happy...! :P
Collin Chan is a clown~ happy clown...~
I wanna sing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To the Most Familiar Stranger...This is especially to you, yes... you~ I know you're still reading... You said i'm insensitive, incorrigible, immature, shallow, typical...You said you saw me a few times, and didn't look/behaved like the guy you knew...You said i think highly abt myself.... and talk bad abt others...You said a lot of other things...I read once, read twice, read thrice...its okay for you to have said all these... i'm fine...Thanks for the last stab in my heart...Guess people like matty, glynis, jacky, and ml knows i am a crazy crappy guy on the surface... think no one will be as monkey as i am outside... but they know who's the collin below the surface... I don't need to explain things that you saw... thats me you saw... wonder if its really me... nvm its probably me... you recognise me better than i can recognise you.... oh ya, i don't think i ever will recognise you....I don't need your friends who don't know me to judge me.... don't need you whom i never met after 7 yrs to say those words.... don't need to see those stabbing emails you sent.... those words were like throwing all the efforts i put in these years, and stepped them over and over again....sometimes i say i'm angry abt you... i'm sad abt what happened... i suspect u cheated on me... but have i ever confronted you? have i ever say words to hurt you like you did to me....? I even told myself, even if you lied to me, i'm okay... as long as you meet me and stop lying... i can let it be history.. i dun even need to know why you do it or what... but i think no one will believe.... becos no one believe i could fall in love with someone i never met...you blame me for moving on... if i didn't moved on 4 yr ago... you said you will tell me everything, things will not be the same... seriously... if it was going to happen, it won't take 3 yrs after i know you, to tell me or even meet me... 2003 when i changed my hp number, i've made my mind clear, i want to move on... you tried to find me, even sms my mum and gave me reasons, i was touched... i thought it was the turning point... but later things were still the same.... i was really hoping for something again.... but... when i was in drama, my instructor wanted us to share our stories... i shared abt you and i.... i nvr say anything bad... but my friends scolded me... they shed tears... i shed tears too... i acted our story during a practice... they cried again...since you chose not to know me in person, but to 'know' me from what you see from the few coincident occasions... i respect your choice... i won't stop you from telling people how bad am i...... i feel hurt, but its ok...becos after all, you just like those strangers out there who don't know me.... thats sad, cos all those heart to heart talk with you, like drain water now... i opened up the real self to you...but you chose to hide and chose to believe i'm not like the guy i've opened up to you...i really don't know what else to say... think whatever you like...i'll not find out anything from anyone, cos i realised what i wanted wasn't any truth...i only wanted to meet you... wanted to hear from you... same as what i wanted before...take care, most familiar stranger....
Matty Bday CelebrationSaturday night went to Matty's bday... K-union was big~! I felt lost in it... kekez... I was everywhere...~ Me and Jacky reached first, and waited outside... then matty's parents came, they spoke to the manager then we went in together to rearrange the furniture, test system, and waited for the balloons... I was reluctant to sing, cos my voice not recover from the sore throat and cough yet... But Jacky managed to persuade me sing... we sang a few songs to warm up... but i sucked~ kekez... couldn't control my voice and i sounded unstable... Then i was disturbing people, asking them to sing... they must think i siao... i talked to them as if i know them... haha... First was Matty's cousins and sister.... then i started disturbing her friends... especially, huili, charine[agar agar spell], yy, and wy-English... they are matty's varsity frens... quietly sat 1 corner, didn't sing at all... i was trying all my best to make them to sing... kekez... charine and huili like xiao zhu too, so my bai fen bai crap, they understood and responded... :) they were like my supporters, waited for me to sing 精舞门... kekez.. haha i got supporters sia - i think too much...~ :pcherie, peiyun, huihua, and jasper were there too... we were playing with balloons, playing pool, took photos and crapped together at one table... cherie's bright yellow with black dress, was striking~ i teased her that it looked like double yellow lines on road... kekez... actually think it nice, suits her... huihua was serving us, pouring drinks for us, then i joked that if kbox staff got so pretty 就好, just before i finished my words, she over poured the drinks... kekez...then matty's sec sch frens quite cool.... got 1 botak[skin head], sang some oldies and Andy Lau's songs... quite cool~ got the bassy voice... and got 2 girls i have to mention, Amy & Yiling... I was so impressed by them... They are one of the better voices i heard so far... sing fast songs got the punch and clarity, sing slow songs got the emo feel~ Jacky picked 一直 for me to sing, then they 'pushed' [didn't really pushed] me to stage to sing..kekez... i zao sia again at the 理由 part... LOL... Then i made Jacky sang 搁浅 on stage...Then around 12+am, people started to leave.... and the mood quite low there liao... so i sang some high songs to lift the spirits... kekez... jumped here and there... walked table to table... Glynis and Matty was like trying to control my siaoness, and asked me 'eat medicine' for several times.... I forced matty to sing on stage with jacky... then she was so afraid of the stage... glynis 'warned' me again kekez...haha think glynis was my mummy, and i was the small boy that nite... kekez... Glynis was 'high' on helium for quite awhile, inhaled don't know how many balloons of helium.. LOL... when she talked after inhaling the helium, her voice became very cute... kekez... then she was laughing her trademark laugh in that cute voice, so funny~ at 2+am, almost everyone gone liao, left the some guys, and four of us[singing 4].... nothing much to do liao.... we continued singing songs and ate the leftover buffet for supper... at abt 3am, the staffs asked if we want to go a smaller room, cause they have to clean up the place... then we moved to a smaller room, but still got pool table, and it looks very modern and cool~ stayed there for awhile and 4 of us left, leaving the guys to sing their boyband songs... we accompanied matty to mandarin hotel take her stuffs... Glynis and matty went upstairs... the security guard's attitude was bad! think youngster can't afford to stay at the hotel, or think the hotel only welcome foreigners.... Glynis re-appeared alone in the lift, cos matty was asked by relatives to stay, but she forgot her ballons still with jacky.... Glynis could reach her by phone and we have no access to the lift, so we released the balloons on matty's behalf, then we shared cab home...It was fun 'performing' infront of people... kekez... quite lost when i singing, don't know where to stand cos of the number of groups.... don't know how to describe... anyway, i enjoyed... :) kekez... Glynis talks with 'Helium effect'Mathilda singing~Jacky and Mathilda: I still Believe... again~
Happy SMS...I was rushing 1 of matty's present last nite... from 2am - 8am... then was surpposed to go henderson cc at 5pm... in the end i woke up at 5pm... i was stunned~! then quickly wash up and rushed out... on the way out, jacky called regarding the balloons... then i stunned again... forgot to call~... then quickly ordered the balloons for matty then continue my rush down to henderson... when i reached there, immediately after i alighted, i got to helped 1 aunite on wheelchair up the lift to the hall to her seat... kekez... let those who know i late, know i start work liao... kekez... i never ask what to do one... always find things to do then they won't know i late... kekez... as long as i do things the natural way... people won't know when i arrived... LOL....there were 400 over uncle, aunite, ah gong, ah ma and children there... they were there to receive 'ang baos' from some businessman doners... this is the 2nd time this year, still got 2 more times.... these doners are very wealthy but good people... 1 ang bao = a low 3 digits sum leh... not a few dollars... u do the maths.... they contribute money, we volunteers contribute sweat... everytime do volunteer work, the smiles, the 'thank you's, make me feel happy... was quite tired, and my leg was giving me problems, but its worth it...ml was there with me too... thought she so clever, suddenly know how to find her way there, yuan lai she took a cab there from tiong bahru... kekez... after the event, wanted to watch movie at tiong bahru plaza one but bad timing so we decided to take long bus rides home... on the way home, received tien hwee's sms.... wah i was so happy lah... cos she asked me to help her do something... something i like! haha... happy she give me such opportunty.... kekez can't reveal much now.... but its a small thing lah... just that i'm happy cos its a good opportunity for me... if i can do it, then there might be a lot of maybes after that.... i was so excited so so excited.... haha... ok little hint... its about singing... kekez... :)ok talk abt singing, my sore throat and cough still 'blocking' my voice... later, matty's bday party @ k-union, don't know i can sing or not... haha if can't, i will feel damn wasted one.... the place will be her's from 6pm-6am... her dad so good to her lor... the expenses for the venue and drinks its 4 digits sum lor... my 21st bday was at my mum's tse zha stall lor... hahahaha.... i've drawing using adbe these few days, wanted to design a background or banner for here[blog]... i ended up drawing some 4-yr art pieces... ml said if i still a kid, i will get 'A'[... but now i adult liao... :( LOL... then joan said it suits me, said its cute, then she oso sort of caught the meaning of the drawing... kekez... i'll see how... maybe i'll change to the drawing... maybe i'll not... we shall see~
ENERGY'S NEW MEMBER!
Energy recently recruited a new member, his name is Tang Zhen Gang, 唐振刚 aka 小刚. Based on what I've found, he has been acting in some Taiwanese dramas and movies, other than acting he dances too - was Milk's student once, and coached K'one dancing before.Hope good things will follow, after this new addition... All the best Energy!
The 'New' Energy
Random HydrologyHaving a bad throat now... every cough feels like i'm coughing my throat out... my throat damn pain... scared cannot recover by itself before Matty's birthday celebration this saturday, so quickly went to see doctor to get some cough syrup and lozenges. haha hope i can recover by Friday! then singing on Saturday won't be a problem~! By the way, Mathilda! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Its Mat Cow Day! K-union will ROCK this saturday!Past 2 weeks have been sad and happy... the sad events made me real sad and helpless, but luckily i had a bunch of funny people who accompanied me, though they don't know what happened to me... frankly, i rather they don't know, then they won't ask, and i can behave like one siao person... I went out with Angelia to have dinner, talked to her abit aboout what happened, then later that night, went singing with long time no see Tienkang and Ida. It was abit difficult to blend into their click that night, but still had some fun. Then went out 2-3 times with Joan, Ying, Shu Juan and Shu Zhen, to play pool, to eat mac, to kbox and did some funny nonsenses together. They may be young but they are very easy to get along and confortable to be with... i think of what crappy idea, they will also follow and do... won't say no good or anything... and they responded to my crappy jokes.... sometimes i'm the one behaving more like a small boy... kekez... those who know me, will know my naughty, playful, and crappy nonsenses. Yoz... thanks for the times~ Matty called me to go out, and i knew she wanted to talk to me regarding my problem, but i rejected... Sorry, but i know i'll be fine, didn't want to talk abt it that moment... thanks anyway~During the past weeks, i also started going back to SWAMI... being able to put a smile on the elderly makes me feel happy~ some elderly & nurses whom i never talked to actually asked abt my injury, they know... :) I also started to learn guitar from a volunteer guitar club.... my hands abit retarded... haha... hope i can play some songs for people soon~Dear and me are better now. Glad that she is able to give in this time, and take it as it is... Actually, i never expect things to go that way, but luckily its back on track... :)Oh ya, I'm not using crutches liao... i forced myself to dumped it aside, cos i really missed taking buses! Limping is shag, i'm still enduring the difficulties i face, but i'll be fine... Some people, said i'm limping like Tie-tou in 'Yuan Dian'... People stop looking at me when i walk! kekez.. As long it doesn't kill me, it will make me stronger~Hmm this coming Friday & Sunday, my volunteer group is giving Ang-pao to senior citizens in living in 1 or 2 rental flats....We are serving them buffet and putting up some performances, if you're free can join me....we need manpower to control and guide those elderly, as the places are abit inconvenient and we are talking abt 400 elderly..... 22/06, Friday, 5pm Henderson CC and 24/06, Sunday, 1pm Outram Secondary School.Don't forget to visit my CSS blog @ http://talkabtcss2.blogspot.com
Something about words...Words... can words accurately express emotions?"I am happy...really really happy..."Do you think i'm really happy?Are you using your mind to think whether i'm really happy or not? Or you simply think i'm happy if i say i'm happy?Nowadays, people become more and more complicated, you probably think more than you should. But its not wrong, because of human nature, especially towards people you don't know well, people who hurted/harmed you before, people you have not met before...etc. Its difinitely not wrong to have a second thought.I don't trust words easily anymore. Words itself cannot be compared with Words spoken tone; Words with spoken tone cannot be compared with words with spoken tone and body gesture; Words with spoken tone and body gesture cannot be compared with words with spoken tone, body gesture and eye contact. The more the merrier~ Because if a person is lying, it makes that person more expose to making mistakes and loopholes. Sometimes it also involve sincerity, if a person really wants to express emotions correctly, he/she will choose to speak face to face, eye to eye.... because it will let the person feel safest [at least i think so...]just another weird hydrology i thought of....by the way, remember to support my CSS blog @ http://talkabtcss2.blogspot.com
I've tried my best to let you understand...I've tried... but you still don't believe it won't affect us... i know myself that its really a separate issue... why can't you understand even having experienced the happiness we shared... if i'm really affected by that incident... i won't had been able to give you my best for these 4 yrs.... please do not just say we won't be happy becos i can't forget... cos we did had our happiness.... didn't we? I told you everything, thinking you'll understand why i wanna know the truth... I even proudly said you'll understand de....but i'm wrong...I'm so so so sad.... becos i'm not getting any faith, understanding from someone i love.... and on the other hand accidentally finding out a cold cold cold 'truth' of the 7 yrs mystery of my life... do you know how big this blow is to me.... i explain and explained so many times.... you only kept asking me to "go find out everything you want" "so that you won't be unhappy inside" "if i don't get satisfied by an answer, i'll nvr be happy" "if i don't forget, i'll never be happy"Wanting to know something won't affect our love! Having memories doesn't mean i'll be unhappy for life! Remembering is easier than forgetting in terms of things in our long term memory... i'm not talking abt small small things we put in short term memory that has tendency of forgetting...Relationship isn't small small things.... In my memory doesn't mean i'll keep reminding myself abt it! Our mind is a write paper, memories are written in PERMANENT ink! there's no liquid paper that you can use to cover....Not getting your understanding is the worst feeling in this episode... i won't promise things that i can't do.... its impossible to forget until a blank piece of paper... do you understand? if i can't promise i forget, then u don't think we gonna be together? why why why things are like this.... i'm sad... if you really think you can't accept me... if you really think i can't bring your happiness... if you really think our future is uncertain... even if you love me... the decision is clear right? like i always say... you have the full sovereignty to choose and decide... i'll respect your decision... My stand is i am not a computer, delete = forget permanently.... I love you and want to continue our relationship... the decision is yours....
At this hour... the emo me accidentally found Jay's new single... Maybe some people already know... but i didn't know ok? His new movie '不能说的秘密' is releasing at abt end August, the title is also the theme song's title... 