Last few years...

I attempted to summarise what happened in the last few years but I couldn't... because too many things happened.. maybe i'll just name every upcoming post about the past as 'Retrospective' chapters...

I'm surprised someone remembered this blog's URL... don't know who you are, but thanks for remembering.. and you will likely be one of the rare audiences here... like I mentioned, I don't want too many people to read what I write...

I am BACK!

I'm BACK!

This space was abandoned for the last 4 years...

I believe most of you (or should I say all of you) no longer visit this space...

I missed writing in my personal space and I've decided to come back and rantrantrantrant once more...

Meanwhile, I need to do some housekeeping and recondition the space... if you happen to read this... thank you for popping by (appreciates lotx)

See you soon.

Collin, theplainwater aka [-h2o-]

i just want to scream, shout...... argh~... i cant say anything, cos i also dont know why... i'm in a long transition stage - which im neither nor....

Life is Full of Surprises

Life is Full of Surprises

January: I tried to avoid all celebrations... i realised the only way to make myself feel everyday is the same and wont feel different is to make it a normal day, dont celebrate... but i made an exception for BS cos he organised it months ahead - my advanced birthday dinner with BS, Lion, Ms A, A-Linn, Carebear Haze, and 'Aunty' Angel... I know it will break Miss J's heart to just reject the dinner and just went home, but i did... i had to do it even if im unwilling to see you disappointed... Nevertheless, i can feel that u tried to move on, and i dont want to let anything hold u back... maybe i shouldnt even say here... but i am certain now your life is happier with your friends and maybe someone special already...anyway its 2 months ago... i am cold-hearted maybe, but i dont want to be a heart-breaker...

had a successful district retreat and planning session organised in JB, with help of Triston, and the supporting staffs to execute the plan with me.. single-handedly planned it with Triston's advices, and this event positioned me better in the district, at least people are more accepting... and the existing managers were praising me and giving me toasts for the effort... my 1st time in life to down 1 can of beer in within 5 mins... thereafter, was made to drink more... i am a lousy drinker, 2 n half cans and i was KO... i dont like to drink, but that night was really happy and had to give these managers face, so drank and drunk... vomited all over the toilets basin and toilet bowl... slept in toilet-shower room till 2 guys cant to help me out and back to our chalet unit... slept till 3-4am then woke up chit chatted with a few people till they all slept, all beds and floor were occupied, hence i went to sleep in my car till morning...

Recruited my 1st consultant, Salma... thereafter convinced 2 others... but later somethings happened and gone... left with Salma, and i was super busy with appts, coaching and recruitment... Super packed January...

Someone made used of me, which made me totally not interested... but i was still nice to do the favour to my best... spent a day and had fun (minus the unhappiness of the person's behaviour)... so disappointed... luckily i never really put myself into anything...

i just want to be single for as long as i really meet someone understanding, and on top of that having my career stablise... time is already so precious in the busy period, i dont wanna waste it on certain people...

February: Busy schedule continues till CNY... wanted to work but wasn't being occupied, so went out to alot of places... Saw that 'Pigs' - lunar zodiac, has a good year ahead... being in bad luck for a few years, i am pleased to know i will have a good year ahead... think somethings when something is going to happen, i cant avoid it... especially when its an opportunity.... i was in a dilemma but i went on for it... i hope it can blossom into something 'S'pecial...

relatively happy february after cny...maximised my time well; accompanied salma to appointments, provided all the trainings i can give and planned how to run the activities management for my team... my agency will have a unique difference from the rest... i will make it happen in the most positive way... i lost quite a lot of time for recruitment.. but it was worthwhile, becos Salma achieved her DD Award and was top 5 consultant in my district for month of February...

Im surposed to rest early tonite, cos im feeling feverish... but i couldnt get to sleep after watching a few episodes of "Hi My Sweetheart"... I laughed, i cried...

Im just feeling emo... I tried to bottle it for quite awhile... now, its just one of those opportunities to release...

I thought I would be thinking less, if i strive at work... but still no matter how busy, there will still be times like now... im falling ill... hoping to have some care... looking at happy faces, i'll feel sad... looking at happy faces, i'll oso feel sad... how will i be happy?

i really have no idea how to spend festive... I really dont know who is the one i wanna spend with... even if i hate to be alone, i will still rather be alone... pls dont attempt to ask me out... i'll probably will say im going out with friends...

To those that i care for, please be happy... and i will be happy for you... hopefully...

i am really sad... i dont care how you view me... i just wanna say im sad...

2 Months of Changes

2 Months of Changes

Its been 2 months in my new company... Things are generally going smoothly... Challenges were all over the 2 months... But im staying positive about the outlook of my future here... Now, an Associate Agnecy Leader, im aiming to be Associate District Manager in 6 months time instead of 12 months... Recruitment is still my forte, with just 3 days of recruitment, i've found my number team member, day 4, i found my number 2 and a potential 3... Now i truly believed people in the past joined because of my convincing and sharing... My Goal is to have 20 team members within a year, and to clinch the Top Recruiter, Top New Unit Supervisor Awards... It will be beyond your imagination how much i want success and how far im thinking...

I rather be all alone if I dont have a successful career...

Almost 1 year of singlehood, the ups and downs over these few months in relationship and career, really made me a better person...

I'm not able to write frequently... not only because i'm busy, but im just unable to write my feelings down... i really rather write as an anonymous... i just prefer to keep things with myself... let ppl assume as much as they want... I know myself the best will do... although it sucks to be misunderstood and not getting the necessary attention...

Disappearing memories..

Memories disappearing in 7 days...

With geocities.com closing... my homepage: The Sea Of Stars, that i've created years ago will be disappearing too... those memories, hardwork will go gone soon... wont be saving, too many things to save... really cant imagine that day to come... want to see visit The Sea of Stars? click on the link by the side...

I think I...

I think I...

After you invested, you will have feelings... no matter how long or what happens...

Things happen for a reason... even if im missing certain past... it is a fact that things are different...

sad... but who knows what will happen in future... the only thing i can do, is to continue moving on and find out...

For friends who were not informed... I declare that I've resigned from Prudential officially... one of the toughest choices i've made and this event joins the few major changes in 2009 - the rollercoaster year...

Its been 2 weeks since tendering my letter of resignation, and had completed my 2 weeks notice... it was a surprise decision... i shocked myself and some people... as mentioned in my letter, i regret that my decision somehow short change my clients, in terms of the promise of commitment and service....but i'm glad some of you are standing on my side, cheering and supporting me...thank you! i've given them the assurance that i'll still be the one they can look for, should there be any events of misfortunate happen...

there's nothing much i wanna talk about why i made this decision... i just wanna move on... the experience that i've accumulated over the 2 years, made me a different person... i dont want to waste the effort and experience i have, thus i am still going to continue my quest in financial planning... there are a few offers that made me feel recharged and at least appreciated once again... I am taking my time to look around, hopefully things will be better in 2010...

Left Right or?

Turn Left or Right...or?

I made another difficult decision in 2009... another big reset of my life... but as I was relatively sure about my next move, I was enlightened of certain reality... Suddenly im lost again...

WATERMAN!

我是救世Waterman!

This guy stole my identity... haha...this guy here also wanna associate to water, he is WATERMAN! he is really good~! meaningful cute songs singing daily kind acts, environmental convservation, and drinking water...

Im impressed with the company's marketing team... a guy in hero's tight-fitting costume singing 'heroic' songs... Save the Earth! Save our Environment! He is also doing alot of charity works, looks like he is doing what i wanna do... feel like joining him... i am [-h2o-]!

here are some mv clips... enjoy... :)

救世Waterman


最美麗的臉


Yes I Do!

Super Random Message to All

Super Random Message to All

I'm not victimisting myself, neither have i been making myself look pitiful... In the first place, its all guessing and assumptions.. I am not the sort that will do things for selfish purposes or expect things in return.. there are things i just want it to be kept to myself.. And I MEAN to myself, dont even wanna speak about it..

I knew there are there something wrong these days... i admired those who can play the 'game' well... im not interested in playing k... Somehow, im just curious about what were talked and how some of you are starting to think of me... I think its better we mind our own business la... i do welcome cares and concerns, but not busybody-talk, if u like do that, i can recommend you to SPH to become a reporter... please spare a thought for me (oh im wrong, to detractors, i guess u dont know how to) some things said will only make things worse, dont scare people away from me (fine, to those who genuinely wanna do damage on me) shit... i dont know what the hell lor.. can we reset everything...? i know in some of your lives, there's no such person like me, too nice to be true? haha i am thinking too highly of myself, but hey its a fact that i am nice, and dont take things for granted! you are only killing the nice spirit in me to become a devil...bad news for you, i am still upholding my morals and belief... nobody can make me believe in what i dont believe in... however, you want to interpret this entry, i dont care le, cos some damages were done and what is there to lose anymore...?

if you care, give me a call, ask me out, talk to me, listen to me...

its funny how people doubt my intentions, i just innocently wanna help for example people who needs financial planning, they can protectively think i wanna sell things... its not purely these people's fault ba... cos i have some lousy FCs around me who laughed at how stupid i am not to sell products that bring most commission.. im like what-the-hell, sad for those who bought from them... but its sad lah... people still like to go to them... the world is unfair, how on earth can a little effort i do change the world? i am super naive... argh~ never mind, continue buying from them ba... let me die from the trade... its a ridiculous world... i only wanna a hao ren!! can god be nice to me...? now i know why good people die early, cos the air is polluted, the world is filled with evil...

having headaches again these day, somehow wishing that its a tumour in head... if the world is so evil, please make my wish come true... haha... hahahahahaha... i wont seek treatment, but please give me good signals before i know i have it (at least 9 months to 1 year) can buy more insurance on me for my family...

hahahahahaa...

Hao Ren

Singout09 Grand Finals

Singout09 Grand Finals


What a day! After so many months, the Grand Finals finally came, and I'm happy to be able to host the entire competition from QF1 to Grand Finals. Got to know more acqaintances and some new friends along the way. Everyone says that Singout09's contestants are better than Singout08's, i do agree in terms of performance's standard. I'm impressed with some of the contestants's star quality.


I have to say again, I'm grateful to be given the chance to host round after round. After all, I'm not a student of MS, and the fact that there are so many talented students. I have to really thanks those people who were supportive of me hosting the show. I really need those support, because they are motivations and encouragements to me. Alot of things happened along the way, sometimes, I had to sacrifice some work-related things to go for rehearsal and had some conflict with some people at work, and the many parking coupons i teared, the few parking summons, and other shits that happened turned me off at times. However, everytime when i see people laughed, smiled and like my hosting, everything was worth it... Many asked if i'm paid, and when i said no, they will ask why still take the task... To me its a good learning experience and good exposure for myself. At least after hosting Singout09, i know about why people like about my hosting and what are the things i need to improve on... Thanks to some of the praises and some constructive suggestion and sincere comments.

Also thanks for giving me the Best Host Award - i know its an extra effort and surprise, the committee prepared for me... I appreciate it... :)

I'm giving myself 70/100 for the finals. I did eat quite a lot of screws here and there thru-out the show, and my stress management has lots of room for improvement. Overall, i think my language ability, humour and natural way of hosting were the plus points, and i did receive some good comments, and credits. I like the chemistry me and Zhuming built along the way. Zhuming was stable and more calm than i am, he was able to deliver his word well.

Congrats to all finalists! You are all winners! Nobody went back with nothing after all~ :)

Look forward to the upcoming post Singout09 gathering and Singout2010!

Untitled entry

I think things are slowly getting better for business... appt rate resuming; ppl whom i was surposed to meet 0.5 to 1 yr ago, without constant contacting, they still remember me and are still friendly; more referrals... im really glad about it... hopefully it wont slow down again... funny thing abt sales, is that they like to come when i'm busy... but I do quite enjoy to be busy... at least i know im alive!

This week, half of it is going to preparation for Singout09 finals... I've got quite alot of information and advertising script to deliver on the finals.. I'm glad to host the finals, making it a combo from Quarters-finals to Semi-finals and now... Grand Finals! Have to really thanks MS and the committee in placing their trust in me.. The hosting experience thru-out Singout09 was great! I had the flexibility in my speech even though sometimes i tend to be politically wrong! :p Thats my style in hosting, i guess.. Some contestants from the open group(senior citizens) praised me for my hosting, and I'm flattered. Im also happy to be able to mingle around with the contestants, cos i feel that interaction between hosts and ppl in the show is one of the most impt element to the success of the show... We can communicate better on stage with the extra understanding of individual's character... Anyway, all the best to the finalists!

Recently also completed the series of singing giggs for heartland events. Am also happy to have the chance to perform, thanks to XL Laoshi for making the arrangements. Most of the crowd i sang to were kids and senior citizens who were there to wait for lucky draw. Haha... not there to listen to me lah... some kids were running here and there... but i did my best to catch their attention with my singing and the much-complaint talking... i was complaint to talk too much... yup, i talk alot lah, but thats just because my heart is there to perform, to hype the crowd, not to sing and go... nevertheless, its also not good to talk too much... have to admit im a long-winded uncle... anyway, out of the 4 shows, im most happy with the last one at Teban Gardens, probably because I feel that the 3rd one was not up to my expectation plus the complaints... Good thing to end it with a high note, too bad i didnt video the good memories down... Actually..still got praises from some ppl at the giggs also, but they normally wont make it official...Collin has an inbuilt self-reflecting software, i know myself what i didnt do well, what i did... thats what experiences are for, yeah... i'll remind myself to be better.. :)

Life is always fair in some way its unfair... becos when we get some thing in life, we lose some thing else too; when we have some advantages, we'll also have some disadvantages... to be frank, im still stuck in tight financial situation, and i think it will continue for at least another 5 months, even if sales is better... i really hope i can pull-thru this by-far my worse time of life... im dreaming of ppl around me asking to pay this and that... nitemares! its tormenting my mental health at times... the other thing that is relatively bothering me more these day is abt something i wont say... haha... this sentence is so Collin... write here but dont want to tell... i just have to say im sad... really sad... i seriously doubt it was a result of over-thinking and over-sensitivity... cos there's alot of contrast from previous and now...and I dont know what to do... to tell or not to tell, to do or not to do... i really dont know what to believe, what not to...think for now, i'll just go by my instincts that i shld not disturb ur life, by keeping our lines parallel with some distances apart...

think im over relying on lyrics/poem writing to vent my tsunami of thoughts and emotions... cos there is really an increase in my hydro-nonsenses... thats all folks.. im evaporating... condense again next time...

Choices & Paths...

Choices & Paths...

Every decision point is like a junction... Every turn at the junction leads you to different outcome...

Over the years, I've been making myself stop looking at the past, because what's done is done... even if i go back to the situation, i'll still do the same...

Like I said, the weathering effects of time will tell the story...

Suddenly, had the inspiration to write lyrics again this time round with basic tune... 2 - 3 songs... i quite like the ideas of the song i accidentally end up with... i need to feel for something before inspiration flows, and probably my heart knows best...hmm i think i need to create it fast and good... will try to squeeze time to compose....

I'm going to better balance the increased work load and passion to sing and host in the coming months... i've been imposing self-regulatory methods to cut expense, first thing was to take train to work instead of driving, unless really needed to... meaning i waking up earlier and enduring those sweaty squeeze for space in trains... i really hope things will be better...

VS just came to a close last sunday after the Graduation Concert @ NUS UCC. Prior to the event, I was seriously not very excited over it... thought it was going to be another normal day... but i was wrong... i ended up feeling it was too short a day to mark the close of this chapter... Thanks for some coursemates' votes, i won the 最受欢迎男学生奖. There are so many more popular people around like Nathaniel, Bryan, Lan Yikang, Gabriel, i was just lucky ba... Miaoru won 最受欢迎女学生奖! Congrats~! I voted for her, Gabriel too... haha... so it was quite expected! Eugene & Marcus, Bryan, Amanda-Shuting-Xinyi-Mireen, Weiyin, Lucky, all won the subsidary awards. Congrats to all of them too.

Most of us will still be performing and hopefully it will continue with good effects. I've performed twice for the heartland, still no familiar faces i see in crowd... lol... how popular can i be? haha said liao... i won by luck... actually never expect anyone to see us perform... But Ferlyn had a supporter, Mr YW, he came to support her, and 3 of us went for a chatty dinner after performing... :)

Other than the songs inspirations, i was listening to UFM1003 DJ Ken's program, suddenly thought a biz idea and some concepts, relating to music industry.. will be meeting some people who also happened to have some ideas for discussion... i believe in my own hands, myself... i wont just wait for things to happen... i dont like...

thats all for now ba...

Secret

Everytime i have the urge to write...

By the time i logged in... i start to hesitate...

There was things just better off being kept a secret, and never be said...

or maybe i need a diary... a secret diary...

Bus Trip

Bus Trip

Non-peak hour bus journeys are relaxing... i missed those days when i was in primary school... i travelled a lot, maximised my concession pass with 'bus stamp' to explore Singapore.. every new thing i saw made me excited...my best accompany is music during the journey... every time im down, i go on long bus trips.... went on a bus trip last week...

I need a restart!

I need a restart!

Things are totally going all wrong in life... nothing seem to work properly... where am i now? where should i head? questions after questions...

i was leaning on 1 pillar, 1 last pillar...it gave way and i fell... the last pillar couldnt give me enough strength to rebuild my 2 other pillars and it let me down when i needed it most...

on the floor now, people ignore me, people see me as trouble, people see me as a loser, im alienated... a simple smile, a simple help, a simple encouragement means a million to me...

im glad there are still some people who gave me warmth smiles when im feeling down, im surprised because they are people not close at all - not even friends; just acqaintances...

im glad i do still have support from some people around me - friends that have a place for me in their hearts...

some people kept telling me to reject, to learn to say no, not to be too nice to people...maybe they are right... its good to keep a distance from people... since being nice to people around me will only make me more sad when i needed them most... maybe i should reverse the my way of doing things to at least make me less prone to disappointments... why do i have to always think that im just oversensitive, and not you people being not sharp enough or simply insensitive... i hate making myself a sinner, making myself feel im the wrong one... really!! why is it always my fault and never your fault? so what if things are perfect, how perfect things can be, how long? Collin, why cant you see that the society can never be perfect... you are insane, and making yourself an alien...

no no no no no....maybe i should just slowly, subtlely move away from people who dont believe in me, people who thinks otherwise of me, and people who are 'ugly' in my honest eyes... its okay if you dont believe in what i see, what i feel... i have to move on... i have to move on...

I seriously dont understand what's wrong with what i've done for myself and for people around me... i treat everyone the best that i can be... i actually enjoyed being mr nice guy... but the way things are happening it seems like im not allowed to be one... im sort of being punished to be nice... is this fair? is this fair really fair?

im battling with myself, the devil in within... i am weak... so weak now... i need to divert my thoughts away from the devil... im begging myself to be stronger.... i want to move on, move on! arGH~~~~~!
im adding an additional explanation to why im related to water; water has a kind of perservance in nature, how it cuts rocks into valleys, changes coastlines... these are all results of water's perservance... i need perservance, more perservance in future...

i really dont know what im writing... i dont know why i cant sleep properly... im trying hard to sleep as early as 11pm (far earlier than my usual 3-4am or evening 6-7am).. but i simply just wake up in the middle of night from either nightmares or headaches...

i need to sleep
i need believes
i need money
i need hugs
i need real friends
i need appreciation
i need myself to be sober
i need a restart!

NIGHTMARE!

NIGHTMARE!

I tried to sleep early, and once again i couldnt sleep well and woke up from a nightmare! I am seriously troubled... can I just end my life here, since it doesnt really matter to many... the one whom i will hate most will only be my mum.... ah... !!!!!!! if its not for mummy, i think i murdered myself long ago...

I DONT BOTHER WHOEVER IS READING THIS... I'VE HAD ENOUGH!!! MAKE ME THE NUMBER ONE VILLIAN! HECK IT!!

Earlier, It was a bad day... I can cover sadness, cover worries, cover feelings...but never happen for ANGER! I'm angry... Yes, I think it was my wrong-doing on stage, but I really dont think it needed to end this way, making all arrows and faces aiming on me and the keyboardist...

All these people think of is face face face, reputation reputation.... you have your reputable to uphold, i dont have? Why must it end up to be both of us getting the backlash, and be the scapegoats.... And I hate it even more that, there are hypocrites among us... and i totally hate it to make it the 'headlines' and gave them an opportunity to score... fuck up! Seriously, even if it wasnt a perfect performance, if 'miss fiery' could just simply let the set to complete... i dont think it would look as bad as you thought... by taking way other's chance to performance and putting the blames on the earlier performers, will only divert the negative thinking on the scapegoats...

Seriously, im a gone-case lah... im facing the biggest mid-20s crisis! career suck big time, passion also suck big time...?? im 25 and accomplished nothing...! Am I too myself? or people these days are difficult to work with...? ok, lets blame it on me ba..! i was putting up a freaking stupid act to not let the group sink into sadness...

how do you expect the group to eat and laugh when it happened this way? how? how? Miss Fiery, I hope you understand that we appreciate the chances and your time... but sometimes, you just do things without thinking also...!!! And, I am not the sort that like to act infront of you la... if you are blind, and like to be surrounded by actors... I am simply not those la... even if im a freaking good actor, I dont feel like acting... cos deep down i know it wont work.... it doesnt matter to me if i'll still be in the team or not... i dont think i have any choice, even though i really love to perform.. I really dont know how to be fake lor, AGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i really hate myself hate my life.... why is it so screwed? i am really tired of living... give it to someone else more deserving ba...

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Sir devil asked: "Collin Chan, why not you kill youself in a way whereby it looks like an accident...? at least it wont look as if you let down on your mum..."

part of my new 'lyrics':
我持续加速, 像是与死神招手
风持续变大, 刺进骨里刺进心里
刘海遮住了眼, 也掩饰了泪水
天使瞬间染黑变成魔鬼…

Outdoors Promotion Campaign @ Orchard Road

Outdoors Promotion Campaign @ Orchard Road


On 25th June, we invaded Orchard Road with Miaoru's singing and music...


They chased...and they distributed....




We walked to and fro... and i shouted with my mini loud hailer non-stop...

He carried and quietly followed...


They stopped, she sang and they praised...


They sms-ed...

That was how it worked...

Believe it or not, I think it was quite a success...

And I think being confident is important...
if i wasnt confident, i wouldnt be able to promote Miaoru...
if she wasnt confident, she wouldnt be able sing well to win the votes from those stopped-by-listeners...


300+ flyers given out to music-lovers and stopped-by-listeners...

Dozens of compliments about Miaoru's singing and dozens of sms-voting by these complete strangers...


MIAORU!! ALL THE BEST!! JIAYOU!

Hope that this outdoors promotion not only increased abit of your popularity, but also increased your confidence and belief in your abilities...


Thanks to all who had turned up @ Orchard to support/help the event.

Mystery Box

Mystery Box

Its a fun little box...
Brings laughter, joy and happiness...
Even provides solution when you need help...
It teleports people from place to place...
Accompanies you whenever you need company...

But what do you know of the inside of this box?

Dark...
so dark till you dont know the depth of the little box...
so dark that it is beyond imagination...
it has a very very deep depth that doesnt match outlook of a small little box...
who will know when this box is damaged and need help?